Hello readers!
At the start of this year I decided to do a 12 card draw from my deck of Healing with the Angels cards and I said I would update you on my progress on using each of the 12 cards for contemplation, one for each month of the year.
So here we go. Let's start with January and the card depicting forgiveness. But before I do, I must first pay homage to one of the greatest folk musicians and troubadour champions of social change, Mr Pete Seeger, who made his transition at the wonderful age of 94 years young on 27th January 2014. His song "Turn, turn, turn", inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes is quite appropriate here I think, especially the line "To everything there is a season..."
A funny incident happened to me in January. A church leader, who I do not know terribly well nor had heard from in years got in touch via Facebook. Apparently, he was at a theological conference and felt prompted to ask me why I no longer go to church. I thought this a bit strange and out of place. I found myself reflecting on my experience of church over the years, in different places and denominations and tried to give an explanation. He replied and told me, that according to Calvin, my soul would be damned if I didn't go to church. By the way, just in case you were wondering, he meant the French Theologian, John Calvin and not the other Calvin, from Calvin and Hobbes.
I found the exchange rather odd and pointed out a tendency to judge and assume that dropping out of mainstream church equated to one losing one's faith, which isn't true in my case. I pondered on his inferences about "being less accountable, that faith doesn't thrive outside church and that it is 'easier' being in church" spoke more about intrusiveness, interference and even the need to control members of a flock.
This led to me reflecting on periods in my life where I have experienced hurt to witnessed indifference in the church world where dogma, indoctrination and denominations abound in contrast to the love, compassion, acceptance and fellowship of humanity I have found outside the church and in many countries I have lived and worked in. When I became a christian aged 22 years old, I chose to find fellowship with christians wherever I lived and worked. I moved around quite a bit in the UK and overseas. Being part of a particular church or denomination was not important to me per se, but being part of the world wide body of Christ was. Here are some of the experiences I have had, which seem at odds with the love, compassion, truth, justice and healing Jesus taught us:
1) Pentecostal church - I was told I was not a proper christian unless I could speak in tongues. I have never been able to do this and therefore thought there was something wrong with me;
2) Baptist church - I was told that I needed deliverance ministry because I had psychic experiences and therefore had sins not yet forgiven and needed to have my 'psychic eye' closed. Interestingly, to me everyone is psychic to a certain degree, it is a natural way we collect information from our surroundings and not something we can be 'delivered' from or close;
3) Christian organisation - On my first mission overseas, on Christmas Day I was told to stay at base to have Christmas lunch instead of being out on the road giving food and water to refugees who were being forced back across the border by a national army. I, and a few of my team mates, chose to go out on the road instead to do our job;
3) House church - I was told to decline a job offer of bringing humanitarian assistance to refugees returning to Kosovo after the NATO bombing as the organisation did not share the same theological view point as the church on Israel/Palestine. As a humanitarian I felt a strong urge to take the job;
4) Conservative evangelical church - I witnessed leaders preaching to the rich, well off and successful Sunday after Sunday, who commended the Government for going to war on Iraq and Afghanistan and applauded members, who enjoyed goading muslims at Speakers Corner; I attended a home group in which leaders cracked inappropriate jokes about me being single and not having any children;
5) Christian organisation - While, working with churches of various denominations, I experienced discrimination from some male church leaders who didn't want me talking about social action when I hadn't been to theological college (or maybe it was because I am female?) and being on a team where I didn't conform to certain aspects of theology;
6) Emerging church - My experiences overseas were seen as 'novel' and earned me the label of 'post-denominationalist'. As labels often disable I prefer to remain label-free;
Trying to fit in, belong and conform to organised christianity in various forms and structures seemed strangely at odds with my calling to humanitarianism. In my heart is a desire to do what I can to contribute to a movement towards tackling poverty, alleviating suffering in times of crisis and injustice by promoting love of all humanity, while walking gently in this world in respect of the whole of creation. Using words and actions to bless rather than judge is important to me as well as living simply.
Having said all of that, I have indeed met and made friends with some wonderful christians along the way who are all seeking to live out their hearts desire for the highest good, despite constraints at leadership level in church! Some of the most memorable encounters I have had have been through participating in the wonderful, inspiring and uplifting Workshop course, led by Noel Moules and his team, being part of an urban gospel choir and having fellowship with international christians in all sorts of locations.
One of the most poignant moments occurred when I was on holiday with Mum and we went on a day trip to Brittany from Jersey. We spent some tie walking around the beautiful town of Dinan and decided to venture in to the Catholic Basilica of St. Saveur's. My Dad has passed away recently and my mum and I decided to light candles for him in his memory.
We were enveloped in a feeling of peace, tranquillity and comfort, soothed by the distant sounds of ancient sacred music. We sat down to pray and both of us felt emotional and tearful. Then a lady sat down next to mum, she put her arm around her. My mum tried to explain how she felt but couldn't speak French and the lady, who could only speak a few words of English, indicated she understood and held her for a while in companionship and solidarity. Words were unnecessary.
Although I dropped out of mainstream several years ago, I still have a thriving faith and pray, I still believe, but I no longer give myself a label. I see no need for me to compartmentalise or categorise or box myself or someone else in. My 'church' community is the whole of creation. To me everyone and every living thing on this beautiful planet is my brother and sister regardless of age, gender, ethnic origin, faith or no faith, sexual orientation, political leanings and so on. I feel we are co-creators with the divine, whatever form divinity takes. We are all One. Going to 'church' does not make much sense to me, whereas being love does. I have broken free.
In conclusion, the painful exchange with the church leader through Facebook served as a means for me to reflect on and let go of past hurts from my previous experiences of church with forgiveness. Practicing forgiveness is truly breaking free.
At the start of this year I decided to do a 12 card draw from my deck of Healing with the Angels cards and I said I would update you on my progress on using each of the 12 cards for contemplation, one for each month of the year.
So here we go. Let's start with January and the card depicting forgiveness. But before I do, I must first pay homage to one of the greatest folk musicians and troubadour champions of social change, Mr Pete Seeger, who made his transition at the wonderful age of 94 years young on 27th January 2014. His song "Turn, turn, turn", inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes is quite appropriate here I think, especially the line "To everything there is a season..."
A funny incident happened to me in January. A church leader, who I do not know terribly well nor had heard from in years got in touch via Facebook. Apparently, he was at a theological conference and felt prompted to ask me why I no longer go to church. I thought this a bit strange and out of place. I found myself reflecting on my experience of church over the years, in different places and denominations and tried to give an explanation. He replied and told me, that according to Calvin, my soul would be damned if I didn't go to church. By the way, just in case you were wondering, he meant the French Theologian, John Calvin and not the other Calvin, from Calvin and Hobbes.
I found the exchange rather odd and pointed out a tendency to judge and assume that dropping out of mainstream church equated to one losing one's faith, which isn't true in my case. I pondered on his inferences about "being less accountable, that faith doesn't thrive outside church and that it is 'easier' being in church" spoke more about intrusiveness, interference and even the need to control members of a flock.
This led to me reflecting on periods in my life where I have experienced hurt to witnessed indifference in the church world where dogma, indoctrination and denominations abound in contrast to the love, compassion, acceptance and fellowship of humanity I have found outside the church and in many countries I have lived and worked in. When I became a christian aged 22 years old, I chose to find fellowship with christians wherever I lived and worked. I moved around quite a bit in the UK and overseas. Being part of a particular church or denomination was not important to me per se, but being part of the world wide body of Christ was. Here are some of the experiences I have had, which seem at odds with the love, compassion, truth, justice and healing Jesus taught us:
1) Pentecostal church - I was told I was not a proper christian unless I could speak in tongues. I have never been able to do this and therefore thought there was something wrong with me;
2) Baptist church - I was told that I needed deliverance ministry because I had psychic experiences and therefore had sins not yet forgiven and needed to have my 'psychic eye' closed. Interestingly, to me everyone is psychic to a certain degree, it is a natural way we collect information from our surroundings and not something we can be 'delivered' from or close;
3) Christian organisation - On my first mission overseas, on Christmas Day I was told to stay at base to have Christmas lunch instead of being out on the road giving food and water to refugees who were being forced back across the border by a national army. I, and a few of my team mates, chose to go out on the road instead to do our job;
3) House church - I was told to decline a job offer of bringing humanitarian assistance to refugees returning to Kosovo after the NATO bombing as the organisation did not share the same theological view point as the church on Israel/Palestine. As a humanitarian I felt a strong urge to take the job;
4) Conservative evangelical church - I witnessed leaders preaching to the rich, well off and successful Sunday after Sunday, who commended the Government for going to war on Iraq and Afghanistan and applauded members, who enjoyed goading muslims at Speakers Corner; I attended a home group in which leaders cracked inappropriate jokes about me being single and not having any children;
5) Christian organisation - While, working with churches of various denominations, I experienced discrimination from some male church leaders who didn't want me talking about social action when I hadn't been to theological college (or maybe it was because I am female?) and being on a team where I didn't conform to certain aspects of theology;
6) Emerging church - My experiences overseas were seen as 'novel' and earned me the label of 'post-denominationalist'. As labels often disable I prefer to remain label-free;
Trying to fit in, belong and conform to organised christianity in various forms and structures seemed strangely at odds with my calling to humanitarianism. In my heart is a desire to do what I can to contribute to a movement towards tackling poverty, alleviating suffering in times of crisis and injustice by promoting love of all humanity, while walking gently in this world in respect of the whole of creation. Using words and actions to bless rather than judge is important to me as well as living simply.
Having said all of that, I have indeed met and made friends with some wonderful christians along the way who are all seeking to live out their hearts desire for the highest good, despite constraints at leadership level in church! Some of the most memorable encounters I have had have been through participating in the wonderful, inspiring and uplifting Workshop course, led by Noel Moules and his team, being part of an urban gospel choir and having fellowship with international christians in all sorts of locations.
One of the most poignant moments occurred when I was on holiday with Mum and we went on a day trip to Brittany from Jersey. We spent some tie walking around the beautiful town of Dinan and decided to venture in to the Catholic Basilica of St. Saveur's. My Dad has passed away recently and my mum and I decided to light candles for him in his memory.
We were enveloped in a feeling of peace, tranquillity and comfort, soothed by the distant sounds of ancient sacred music. We sat down to pray and both of us felt emotional and tearful. Then a lady sat down next to mum, she put her arm around her. My mum tried to explain how she felt but couldn't speak French and the lady, who could only speak a few words of English, indicated she understood and held her for a while in companionship and solidarity. Words were unnecessary.
Although I dropped out of mainstream several years ago, I still have a thriving faith and pray, I still believe, but I no longer give myself a label. I see no need for me to compartmentalise or categorise or box myself or someone else in. My 'church' community is the whole of creation. To me everyone and every living thing on this beautiful planet is my brother and sister regardless of age, gender, ethnic origin, faith or no faith, sexual orientation, political leanings and so on. I feel we are co-creators with the divine, whatever form divinity takes. We are all One. Going to 'church' does not make much sense to me, whereas being love does. I have broken free.
In conclusion, the painful exchange with the church leader through Facebook served as a means for me to reflect on and let go of past hurts from my previous experiences of church with forgiveness. Practicing forgiveness is truly breaking free.
