Choir 2

Our gospel choir planning meeting went well last week. Seems that interest is gaining momentum - around 18 people already keen to join and we're auditioning for more members next Thursday. We have a potential choir director and we're hunting around for reasonably priced rehearsing space...watch this space for what happens next!

Havana Happy Hour

I've been living in my flat in Battersea for the last 8 months and I love it! Its in a mixed housing development near the river and I was able to buy a share of my flat through a shared ownership scheme with a Housing Association. I'm keen to get to know my neighbours and make new friends. Although I've introduced myself to a few people I have realised that its all too easy just to get up, leave the flat to go to work, come home and not speak to anyone and days can go by without bumping into anyone at all. So, Hazel, one of my neighbours, and I have decided to have a little get together so that we can 'get to know our neighbours'. We've called it 'Havana Happy Hour' as we both liked the culture, cocktails and music of Cuba. We're holding it next Wednesday in my flat and we'll serve Mojitos, Cuba Libres, Havana Beans and Cuban Green Rice. We had great fun drawing and delivering the invitations. We've invited everyone in our block and a few people from another 3 blocks. The day after invites went out 16 people said they will come along!....I'm wondering how many I can fit in my lounge...or what the weight load limit is on my balcony!

Choir

A few friends and I are setting up a gospel choir. We met at the British Gospel Arts choir workshops last year. We enjoyed singing together so much that we didn't want the course to end and kept saying "why don't we set up our own choir?" but didn't know how to go about it. British Gospel Arts is the education branch of the London Community Gospel Choir which runs beginners, intermediate and advanced gospel singing classes every term. They are great fun to do as well as vocally stretching and spiritually uplifting. I was amazed at how gospel music brings together people of different faiths, especially when the songs we sing are explicitly worshipping Jesus. Its the love of the music, the energy, the incredible harmony and bond of friendship which unites us. I'm looking forward to meeting with my friends on Wednesday to talk more about the next stage of set up.

Songwriting and Shalom

I enjoy writing songs in my spare (?) time although I'm prolifically slow! I've written several since 1992 but there was a gap of a few years before I took it up again last year. I must admit I'm about of a technophobe so I'm not yet at the stage of being able to record them and upload them as mp3 files...maybe that's lucky for you because you only get to read the lyrics!

I wrote "splinters" in July 2005 after completing an inspiring course in Applied Christian Studies called Workshop which is run by the Anvil Trust. It connected me with the overarching story of God throughout history and I learnt many things about Jesus which were profound. His agenda, of bringing 'shalom' into the present continues to inspire me. Shalom is 'wholeness' or 'completeness', a sense of everything being as it should be: about people having their material, emotional and physical needs met, justice on an individual and national level and about right relationships between people and between people and God. There's a great definition on the Peacechurch website.

As a follower of the way, I'm constantly challenged by how I can bring 'shalom' into the present in all spheres of my life and with the people I come into contact with. Its a tall order but Jesus expects nothing less.

Four letter word

Is it me or are followers of the way in our culture a little to pre-occupied with 'safe'? I come across people saying or writing things like " we need to create a safe space for this" and a "safe place for that", people need to "feel safe" etc. Surely the message of shalom is far from 'safe'. Jesus was not 'safe'. The cross wasn't 'safe'. Surely we are required to risk everything to love completely and unconditionally, journeying out into dangerous places, engaging with people who don't make us 'feel safe' at all?

Dying to fear

Apart from a feelings of loss and emptiness, my Dad's death has left me with a fear of dying. I was there with him when he died and an icy chill gripped my heart at that moment: "where has my Dad gone?" I said to myself, "if, in fact, he has 'gone' anywhere at all?" Is this a normal reaction for one who is grieving? Why do I fear this now, when surely I should accept dying as a part of life and not necessarily apart from life?

At one time I remember being totally fearless of death. I happened to be working as a humanitarian aid worker in South Sudan, a region ravaged by conflict and extreme poverty. I led a mobile relief team in northern Bahr el Ghazal, where the war was described as a 'low intensity conflict' (obviously coined by people in the West who had not experienced the conflict first-hand). There was nothing 'low' about the intensity of bombings and raids by militia such as the Popular Defence Force. Being mindful and ever alert to security issues was a way of life out there. I even slept in my one man tent with my clothes and boots on, ready to run at the drop of a hat. I remember writing home to my friends saying that I was happy and ready to die, I had no fear of death, I could embrace it if the worst came to the worst because I was in the right place at the right time, carrying out my calling. Some of my friends wrote back in horror saying "you can't possibly think that can you?", "you have everything to live for so don't tempt fate".

As I contemplate returning to the humanitarian aid sector of a break of nearly four years I will have to grapple with my newly found fear. In order to 'lay down my life for my friends', and therefore be a friend of Christ, I must be prepared to go to those places and be in situations where dying could be an everyday possibility, therefore my fear has to die instead of the kingdom life within me dying to fear.

Mugshot

wayfaring sarah in Kosova 2001

Why?

Why, oh why must you leave me now?
I am lost for words
I don't want to say goodbye.

Fate is cruel to take you from me so soon,
I have yet to know you
Why, oh why?

Somewhere in time we may meet again
Until then I'll think of you.

As you go, take my love with you
May it see you through your journey
Goodbye my friend goodbye.

Somewhere in time we may meet again
Until then I'll think of you.

As you go, take my love with you
May it see you through your journey
Goodbye my friend goodbye.

copyright Sarah Packwood Christmas 1992

Eternal Father, Strong to Save

Yesterday mum and I met with the minister who will lead the funeral service on Tuesday. It is very hard to try to sum up a life of 83 years and pick out the thoughts and words which would be most appropriate and worthy to celebrate my dad's life with thanksgiving.

We've picked 3 hymns, a couple of readings and a poem and the minister will say a tribute. One of the hymns is Eternal Father, Strong to Save which meant a lot to dad when he was in the Royal Navy during the World War II.

Here are the words:

Eternal Father, strong to save
Eternal Father, strong to save,
Whose arm doth bind the restless wave,
Who bidd’st the mighty ocean deep,
It’s own appointed limits keep:
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.

O Saviour, whose almighty word
The winds and waves submissive heard,
Who walkedst on the foaming deep
And calm amid its rage didst sleep:
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.

O sacred Spirit, who didst brood
Upon the waters dark and rude,
And bid their angry tumult cease,
And give, for wild confusion, peace:
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.

O Trinity of love and power,
Our brethren shield in danger’s hour.
From rock and tempest, fire and foe,
Protect them whereso’er they go,
And ever let there rise to thee
Glad hymns of praise from land and sea.

W. Whiting (1825-78)

Crocus

Crocus

When mum and I arrived home on Monday after saying goodbye to dad, we sat quietly at the dining room table and looked out over the garden – dad’s pride and joy. Mum noticed a yellow crocus tentatively emerging from the lawn and she exclaimed "oh the crocus has come out for your dad today", it was a moving moment. Dad’s passion for many years was his garden and he had a special knack for nurturing any type of plant from seed or cutting and he had a knack for nurturing me in our family. He especially loved spring flowers, signs of new life.
I found this quote from Patience Strong:
"The Yellow Crocus
The first to come: The yellow crocus thrusting boldly up – as if to catch and hold the sunlight in its painted cup. The first one out to shout a salutation of good cheer, making haste to show itself before the rest appear…For soon will come the other members of the family – robed in deepest purple, palest mauve and ivory – and dazzled by their beauty we’ll forget to say goodbye – to the first that took the risk and braved the wintry sky"

Lord of my heart

Hold me in your sweet embrace,
And even though I can't see your face,
I feel you are near and I know you care.
You are the Lord and I love you.

Lord I am hurting deep inside.
I know you see these tears I cry.
You suffered more at the hands of man,
never ceased to love.
You're stronger than I am.

Lord of my heart let your love shine through me.
Open the door to a new life with you.
Make me strong so I do your will
And I will be ready to serve you.

Come holy spirit and fill my soul.
I'll be your cup, I will overflow.
With your love and your power to guide me
every day and each hour.

Lord of my heart let your love shine through me.
Open the door to a new life with you.
Make me strong so I do your will
And I will be ready to serve you.


copyright Sarah Packwood 1992

Wrestling

Yesterday at 5.30am I let go of my dad. He had suffered during his struggle with serious illness in the last 3 months, caused by severe stroke. I was not ready to let him go and I am left wrestling with a multitude of questions and feelings. Dare I say I am wrestling with God? Why did God let my dad suffer so much? Why did God not answer my prayers? Or I suppose, more accurately, why did God not answer my prayers in the way I wanted him to – that God would heal him at least enough so he could come home to mum and I? Where has dad gone? I so want to believe that the new creation, the new heaven and new earth is a truth we have to look forward to. But where does that leave us if it isn’t? I want to see my dad again and to enjoy being with him once more. I lost, not only my dad, a kind, caring and gentle man but also my best friend.
Yesterday I was overwhelmed with anger, which took me somewhat by surprise. I am like my dad in some ways and one of those is being slow to get angry, so this feeling was new and frightening. The last time I felt this full of rage was in 1996 in a refugee camp in Tanzania but I might write about that another day. I was angry with God for not healing my dad and allowing him to through this suffering. I was angry about some inconsistencies in his treatment which makes me wonder if they contributed to his suffering and affected his quality of life in the last few weeks. Could his life have been prolonged? Could he have had a better quality of life? Who knows.
Yesterday I let go and was angry. Today I am empty.

Splinters

Splinters

Called a Nazarene and many names besides,
He grew up in Palestine and walked the land of God.
With a craftsman's eye he worked the lathe
and splinters of a new creation pierced his hands.

From the shores of Galilee dusty feet went walking.
A rabbi with authority no-one else had known.
Healing on the streets, the sick, the blind, the lame.
And splinters of a revolution pierced their minds.

All hail the lamb
And the Lion of Judah
brings shalom into present tense
He is heaven-sent
Hallelujah

And on a mountainside the sun was beating down on all who gathered
to hear the teacher say,
"If you turn to them your left cheek you will be their equal"
and "Go the second mile with your oppressor",
"and if they sue you for your tunic, give them your cloak as well,
for the naked truth will stand acquitted
and the foolish shame the wise."

In temple courts he turned the tables on them all.
A brood of vipers stood, aghast, afraid, their backs against the wall.
Bought for silver pieces, the tree of life now hung in death
and splinters of a crucifixion pierced our hearts.

All hail the lamb
And the Lion of Judah
brings shalom into present tense
He is heaven-sent
Hallelujah

In a garden, the sun's rays shining through his wounds,
He stood talking with Mary, her eyes were opened and she understood.
There before her stood the new creation
and splinters of a resurrection pierced our lives.

All hail the lamb
And the Lion of Judah
brings shalom into present tense
He is heaven-sent
Hallelujah



copyright Sarah Packwood, July 2005