Eternal Father, Strong to Save

Yesterday mum and I met with the minister who will lead the funeral service on Tuesday. It is very hard to try to sum up a life of 83 years and pick out the thoughts and words which would be most appropriate and worthy to celebrate my dad's life with thanksgiving.

We've picked 3 hymns, a couple of readings and a poem and the minister will say a tribute. One of the hymns is Eternal Father, Strong to Save which meant a lot to dad when he was in the Royal Navy during the World War II.

Here are the words:

Eternal Father, strong to save
Eternal Father, strong to save,
Whose arm doth bind the restless wave,
Who bidd’st the mighty ocean deep,
It’s own appointed limits keep:
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.

O Saviour, whose almighty word
The winds and waves submissive heard,
Who walkedst on the foaming deep
And calm amid its rage didst sleep:
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.

O sacred Spirit, who didst brood
Upon the waters dark and rude,
And bid their angry tumult cease,
And give, for wild confusion, peace:
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.

O Trinity of love and power,
Our brethren shield in danger’s hour.
From rock and tempest, fire and foe,
Protect them whereso’er they go,
And ever let there rise to thee
Glad hymns of praise from land and sea.

W. Whiting (1825-78)

Crocus

Crocus

When mum and I arrived home on Monday after saying goodbye to dad, we sat quietly at the dining room table and looked out over the garden – dad’s pride and joy. Mum noticed a yellow crocus tentatively emerging from the lawn and she exclaimed "oh the crocus has come out for your dad today", it was a moving moment. Dad’s passion for many years was his garden and he had a special knack for nurturing any type of plant from seed or cutting and he had a knack for nurturing me in our family. He especially loved spring flowers, signs of new life.
I found this quote from Patience Strong:
"The Yellow Crocus
The first to come: The yellow crocus thrusting boldly up – as if to catch and hold the sunlight in its painted cup. The first one out to shout a salutation of good cheer, making haste to show itself before the rest appear…For soon will come the other members of the family – robed in deepest purple, palest mauve and ivory – and dazzled by their beauty we’ll forget to say goodbye – to the first that took the risk and braved the wintry sky"

Lord of my heart

Hold me in your sweet embrace,
And even though I can't see your face,
I feel you are near and I know you care.
You are the Lord and I love you.

Lord I am hurting deep inside.
I know you see these tears I cry.
You suffered more at the hands of man,
never ceased to love.
You're stronger than I am.

Lord of my heart let your love shine through me.
Open the door to a new life with you.
Make me strong so I do your will
And I will be ready to serve you.

Come holy spirit and fill my soul.
I'll be your cup, I will overflow.
With your love and your power to guide me
every day and each hour.

Lord of my heart let your love shine through me.
Open the door to a new life with you.
Make me strong so I do your will
And I will be ready to serve you.


copyright Sarah Packwood 1992

Wrestling

Yesterday at 5.30am I let go of my dad. He had suffered during his struggle with serious illness in the last 3 months, caused by severe stroke. I was not ready to let him go and I am left wrestling with a multitude of questions and feelings. Dare I say I am wrestling with God? Why did God let my dad suffer so much? Why did God not answer my prayers? Or I suppose, more accurately, why did God not answer my prayers in the way I wanted him to – that God would heal him at least enough so he could come home to mum and I? Where has dad gone? I so want to believe that the new creation, the new heaven and new earth is a truth we have to look forward to. But where does that leave us if it isn’t? I want to see my dad again and to enjoy being with him once more. I lost, not only my dad, a kind, caring and gentle man but also my best friend.
Yesterday I was overwhelmed with anger, which took me somewhat by surprise. I am like my dad in some ways and one of those is being slow to get angry, so this feeling was new and frightening. The last time I felt this full of rage was in 1996 in a refugee camp in Tanzania but I might write about that another day. I was angry with God for not healing my dad and allowing him to through this suffering. I was angry about some inconsistencies in his treatment which makes me wonder if they contributed to his suffering and affected his quality of life in the last few weeks. Could his life have been prolonged? Could he have had a better quality of life? Who knows.
Yesterday I let go and was angry. Today I am empty.

Splinters

Splinters

Called a Nazarene and many names besides,
He grew up in Palestine and walked the land of God.
With a craftsman's eye he worked the lathe
and splinters of a new creation pierced his hands.

From the shores of Galilee dusty feet went walking.
A rabbi with authority no-one else had known.
Healing on the streets, the sick, the blind, the lame.
And splinters of a revolution pierced their minds.

All hail the lamb
And the Lion of Judah
brings shalom into present tense
He is heaven-sent
Hallelujah

And on a mountainside the sun was beating down on all who gathered
to hear the teacher say,
"If you turn to them your left cheek you will be their equal"
and "Go the second mile with your oppressor",
"and if they sue you for your tunic, give them your cloak as well,
for the naked truth will stand acquitted
and the foolish shame the wise."

In temple courts he turned the tables on them all.
A brood of vipers stood, aghast, afraid, their backs against the wall.
Bought for silver pieces, the tree of life now hung in death
and splinters of a crucifixion pierced our hearts.

All hail the lamb
And the Lion of Judah
brings shalom into present tense
He is heaven-sent
Hallelujah

In a garden, the sun's rays shining through his wounds,
He stood talking with Mary, her eyes were opened and she understood.
There before her stood the new creation
and splinters of a resurrection pierced our lives.

All hail the lamb
And the Lion of Judah
brings shalom into present tense
He is heaven-sent
Hallelujah



copyright Sarah Packwood, July 2005