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Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Wisdom of the Ancients 1 - The Toltecs

I came across a beautiful little book a couple of years ago now called "The Four Agreements" written by Don Miguel Ruiz who is descended from the Toltecs of Mexico. In his book he has captured the wisdom of his people which has been passed down through the ages in an evocative story which encompasses a timeless prayer of love and guidance in the form of four key agreements he invites us to make with ourselves.

One of my facebook friends recently sent me the link to this video on youtube which sums up the essence of his message to the world. I hope you will enjoy watching it!



Shalom

Sarahx

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Return to blogdom

Hello readers!

Well after a long break from blogging I've decided to return to the blogosphere and resume jotting down my thoughts on faith and spirituality (and related esoteric subjects) on these pages. So I guess this space will be devoted to reasonably serious reflections! However I have also created a lighter blogspot called blondebombshellincrises.blogspot (or b.b.c. for short ha) for my tongue in cheek and slightly irreverent observations on the eccentricities of the humanitarian world around which I orbit on a regular basis. Feel free to join in with me along both of these journeys. You are welcome.

Love and shalom

Sarahx

Monday, February 19, 2007

Chiang Mai calling...

Hello again. I'm on a roll. No I'm not sitting on my lunch I mean I'm getting back into the swing of writing on my blog again.

I'm off tomorrow to Thailand (again) and this time to Chiang Mai in the north. I'll be there for a week to attend a 2 day expert meeting on Older People's Associations in Emergencies and to also spend a few days with people in the Asia Pacific Regional Development Centre. If I'm lucky I will have Sunday off so I hope I can get out and about and explore. There's a mountain to climb and elephants to see...

Urban Voices Showcase - Don't miss it!

Some of you will know that I sing in an urban gospel choir which a few friends
and I set up last year. We are called Urban Voices and you can check us out
on our webpage at http://www.myspace.com/urbanvoicesofficial . Last year
we participated in a few gigs, a charity single and pop video. We have more
gigs lined up in the next few months including our very own showcase event called "Lean on me .....I believe", on Wednesday 4th April at 7.30pm at Christchurch, Commercial Street, Spitalfields (nearest tubes are Liverpool Street and Aldgate East) - and the ticket price is £5. We'll be doing a range of songs from traditional gospel, contemporary American style gospel and funky R&B/pop. There'll be guest singers and a dance troup. As well as family and friends, we're inviting people from the music industry e.g. agents and vocal coaches and reps from the London Community Gospel Choir so it will be a real mix.

Please do come and support us if you can. It will be great to see some familiar
friendly faces there. Lets fill the church and raise the roof!

Back from a break

It will be a year tomorrow since my Dad passed away and I started this blog. I can't find the words to describe how I feel about it right now.

I haven't blogged here since last April...deary me! Its been a year of much change from losing Dad and trying to adjust to life without him, searching for and getting a new job back in the humanitarian aid sector, making and strengthening friendships in the community where I live and to our wonderful choir, Urban Voices which is really taking off.

I have much to be thankful for and to wonder at, not least my loving family and friends. Thank you to all who have been there for me.

From Barking to Brussels, Batticaloa and Bangkok

Hello. A belated Happy New Year to you. "Time goes by so slowly....Time goes by so slowly...." sang Madonna in her disco diva outfit. I wonder if she is in a parallel universe? My experience of time has been somewhat different - it has simply flown by (and I have flown through several time zones) since I was last at the Shaftesbury Society in December. I think my last meeting with a church partner was with Christchurch in Barking. I can't believe its nearly two months since I left Shaftesbury. In a few short weeks I've settled into the World Wide Emergencies Unit at HelpAgeInternational and getting to grips with my new role as an Emergencies Programme Coordinator for Disaster Risk Reduction. Now this doesn't mean that I create or coordinate emergencies (although I'm sure that could quite easily happen!). I'm responsible for developing and rolling out a strategy to integrate a disaster risk reduction approach to emergency and development programmes among our 70 partner and affiliate organisations around the world. What does that mean? Well, as far as I can gather disaster risk reduction seems to embrace disaster preparedness, mitigation, emergency response, recovery, safety nets (including social protection and livelihoods) and adapting to climate change...all underpinned by sound development practice. Jolly good! Plenty to be getting on with then....no rest for the wicked eh? In a nut shell it's working with our partners and local communities, especially older people, to identify vulnerabilities to natural and man-made disasters and their solutionsso that they can recover from crises and better withstand future shocks. It's common sense really. Everyone seeks to mitigate risks in their everyday lives.

I've had a warm welcome so far from my new team mates. Some of us have acommon connection - we've worked in Sudan at one time or another and we are refugees from Save the Children. On day two of my new job I was sent off to Brussels with my colleague Susi to attend the annual ECHO partner conference. ECHO is the European Community Humanitarian Office and its now one of the largest donors of humanitarian aid. A couple of hundred aid agencies were represented and I bumped into a few old colleagues over coffee which was nice. The main sessions were in English and French so I made use of my headphones and interpreters. It's just like the EU parliament does on the TV - lots of flags, people in suits sitting in semi-circular rows of seats and Eurospeak. Mind you the coffee was good. I went to a workshop on DRR which was really helpful and networking brought some new contacts to hook up with later. In the evening there was a champagne reception in the Charlemagne building...all very posh. When I got back it was straight into two weeks of induction, meeting loads of people and reading volumes of papers, reports, guidelines etc. I was in mega sponge mode and I'm wondering at what point I will be wrung out so the information will drip, drip, drip through.

After Christmas my boss, Bill said "well Sarah, I think it will be a good idea for you to skate around the various regions and see what HelpAge is doing around the world". Wow - what an opportunity. Time to dust down my rucksack and put my leaving gifts to good use. Last week I returned from my first trip to Sri Lanka and Thailand. I flew to Colombo and stayed in an amazingly beautiful hotel called Mount Lavinia which commanded spectacular views over Colombo and the palm fringed coastline. On the Sunday I joined my colleague Jonathan and his wife Harriet for lunch out on the terrace in hot sunshine...aahhh. Then I spent the afternoon on the beach. The next day we we headed off early by car on a bone shaking road trip through hill country, near Horton plains (tea and coffee growing area), narrowly missing landslips at Ratnapura, snaking round horrifying hairpin bends and on eastwards to Ampara. On the way we saw monkeys, mongeese, eagles and egrets. Ten hours later we arrived just as the sun went down and stayed at a little guesthouse and bumped into the Sally Army. Next day we headed up to Kalmunai and Batticaloa on the east coast through several checkpoints, some army, airforce, policeand military police (although it was hard to tell which was which). This area is incredibly poor and the conflict is ongoing. Fighting was going onto the north of us and many of the local older people we spoke to in thesenior citizens committees were sick and tired of being caught between the lines (LTTE and Gov forces) and had had enough of the shelling. I met our local staff and project partners and saw firsthand the devastating effects of the Tsunami. People are still living in transit camps two years on. I saw 3 villages which had been completely obliterated. All you could see remaining were the foundations of houses and the concrete cylinders of wells. We sat and drank coconut juice (straight out of the coconut) with the Senior Citizen's committee there and I heard their stories. Some of them had received help in the form of latrines, wells, livelihood grants and assistance with obtaining their ID cards which enabled them to access a range of entitlements including better access to health services. Life is tough there but I will never forget their spirit and smiles. Spirituality is highly valued and one of their favourite aspects of the HelpAge programme is facilitating trips to pilgrimage sites. Later one we met up with one lady at her home who had received a loan. She must have been in her sixties or even early seventies. She created a homegarden and makes the best use of her 1 acre and 2 growing seasons and sells surplus produce. She is very enterprising because she doesn't stop there. She weaves rushes into matting and rattan into baskets and sells those. At 4.00am every day she goes out in her boat and casts her net into the lagoon and sells her catch. She has to. She supports 5 children, some of who are studying and several grandchildren. The next day we visited a housing cluster in Kattankudy where we are rehousing 25 older people and their families who had lost everything. After a quick tour we jumped back in the car for another epic road trip to the south coast through rice paddies and elephant country to Tangalle and arrived 7 hours later. Next day and on to Matara, meeting more local staff, project partners and senior citizens committees, while imbibing herbal soup, sweet tea and eating cake. I learnt loads. All too soon we waved goodbye to yet more smiles and headed north, to Colombo arriving several hours later. Jonathan, Harriet,their friends and I went out for dinner in Colombo and the next day I worked in the HelpAge Sri Lanka office and talked with the Chief Exec about the plans for the future and the governments road map on DRR. 4.00am the following morning I left for the airport and a flight to Bangkok. The new airport in Bangkok is incredible. It was completed 6 months ago and is very futuristic, lots of steel and glass...and duty free shopping. I hopped (or rather staggered sleepily) onto the airport bus into the city. Only 2 hours later I arrived at my hotel on Silom Road in the business district (round the corner fromthe Red Light District ...I didn't take a look). The hustle and bustle and pollution was a shock to the system so I decided to chill out at the hotel and watched the sun go down from the roof garden on the 20th floor. The following day, a Sunday, I ventured out from the land of airconditioning on to the street and was hit by a wall of humid heat. I love the tropics! I avoided the myriad of taxi's and tuk tuks as I like to explore on foot. I bumped into a chinese man who had just clocked off duty from work and was on his way home to his wife and new born son. I congratulated him and he gave me some top tourist tips and walked me to the pier. There I booked myself onto a boat trip (got the local rate) and had a slow boat all to myself for a blissful one and a half hour trip up river and down the canals which meandered through rows of wooden houses on stilts and brightly coloured temples, glittering in the sunlight. Children jumped into the water and waved and smiled as we sailed by. Later in the evening I met up with two colleagues from the Asia Pacific Development Centre, Bert and Paul for a briefing. Monday was filled with a quick trip on the Sky train for shopping at MBK and then more meetings.Tuesday, worked and then flew home. Not without experiencing a foot massage before getting on the plane...really relaxing. I slept most of the flight and arrived to snow....brrr. Back in the office the next day and straight into working on a funding bid with team mates for a large grant for a 3 year project to 'strengthen the evidence base for humanitarian action'.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Choir 2

Our gospel choir planning meeting went well last week. Seems that interest is gaining momentum - around 18 people already keen to join and we're auditioning for more members next Thursday. We have a potential choir director and we're hunting around for reasonably priced rehearsing space...watch this space for what happens next!

Havana Happy Hour

I've been living in my flat in Battersea for the last 8 months and I love it! Its in a mixed housing development near the river and I was able to buy a share of my flat through a shared ownership scheme with a Housing Association. I'm keen to get to know my neighbours and make new friends. Although I've introduced myself to a few people I have realised that its all too easy just to get up, leave the flat to go to work, come home and not speak to anyone and days can go by without bumping into anyone at all. So, Hazel, one of my neighbours, and I have decided to have a little get together so that we can 'get to know our neighbours'. We've called it 'Havana Happy Hour' as we both liked the culture, cocktails and music of Cuba. We're holding it next Wednesday in my flat and we'll serve Mojitos, Cuba Libres, Havana Beans and Cuban Green Rice. We had great fun drawing and delivering the invitations. We've invited everyone in our block and a few people from another 3 blocks. The day after invites went out 16 people said they will come along!....I'm wondering how many I can fit in my lounge...or what the weight load limit is on my balcony!

Monday, April 10, 2006

Choir

A few friends and I are setting up a gospel choir. We met at the British Gospel Arts choir workshops last year. We enjoyed singing together so much that we didn't want the course to end and kept saying "why don't we set up our own choir?" but didn't know how to go about it. British Gospel Arts is the education branch of the London Community Gospel Choir which runs beginners, intermediate and advanced gospel singing classes every term. They are great fun to do as well as vocally stretching and spiritually uplifting. I was amazed at how gospel music brings together people of different faiths, especially when the songs we sing are explicitly worshipping Jesus. Its the love of the music, the energy, the incredible harmony and bond of friendship which unites us. I'm looking forward to meeting with my friends on Wednesday to talk more about the next stage of set up.

Songwriting and Shalom

I enjoy writing songs in my spare (?) time although I'm prolifically slow! I've written several since 1992 but there was a gap of a few years before I took it up again last year. I must admit I'm about of a technophobe so I'm not yet at the stage of being able to record them and upload them as mp3 files...maybe that's lucky for you because you only get to read the lyrics!

I wrote "splinters" in July 2005 after completing an inspiring course in Applied Christian Studies called Workshop which is run by the Anvil Trust. It connected me with the overarching story of God throughout history and I learnt many things about Jesus which were profound. His agenda, of bringing 'shalom' into the present continues to inspire me. Shalom is 'wholeness' or 'completeness', a sense of everything being as it should be: about people having their material, emotional and physical needs met, justice on an individual and national level and about right relationships between people and between people and God. There's a great definition on the Peacechurch website.

As a follower of the way, I'm constantly challenged by how I can bring 'shalom' into the present in all spheres of my life and with the people I come into contact with. Its a tall order but Jesus expects nothing less.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Four letter word

Is it me or are followers of the way in our culture a little to pre-occupied with 'safe'? I come across people saying or writing things like " we need to create a safe space for this" and a "safe place for that", people need to "feel safe" etc. Surely the message of shalom is far from 'safe'. Jesus was not 'safe'. The cross wasn't 'safe'. Surely we are required to risk everything to love completely and unconditionally, journeying out into dangerous places, engaging with people who don't make us 'feel safe' at all?

Dying to fear

Apart from a feelings of loss and emptiness, my Dad's death has left me with a fear of dying. I was there with him when he died and an icy chill gripped my heart at that moment: "where has my Dad gone?" I said to myself, "if, in fact, he has 'gone' anywhere at all?" Is this a normal reaction for one who is grieving? Why do I fear this now, when surely I should accept dying as a part of life and not necessarily apart from life?

At one time I remember being totally fearless of death. I happened to be working as a humanitarian aid worker in South Sudan, a region ravaged by conflict and extreme poverty. I led a mobile relief team in northern Bahr el Ghazal, where the war was described as a 'low intensity conflict' (obviously coined by people in the West who had not experienced the conflict first-hand). There was nothing 'low' about the intensity of bombings and raids by militia such as the Popular Defence Force. Being mindful and ever alert to security issues was a way of life out there. I even slept in my one man tent with my clothes and boots on, ready to run at the drop of a hat. I remember writing home to my friends saying that I was happy and ready to die, I had no fear of death, I could embrace it if the worst came to the worst because I was in the right place at the right time, carrying out my calling. Some of my friends wrote back in horror saying "you can't possibly think that can you?", "you have everything to live for so don't tempt fate".

As I contemplate returning to the humanitarian aid sector of a break of nearly four years I will have to grapple with my newly found fear. In order to 'lay down my life for my friends', and therefore be a friend of Christ, I must be prepared to go to those places and be in situations where dying could be an everyday possibility, therefore my fear has to die instead of the kingdom life within me dying to fear.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Mugshot

wayfaring sarah in Kosova 2001 Posted by Picasa

Why?

Why, oh why must you leave me now?
I am lost for words
I don't want to say goodbye.

Fate is cruel to take you from me so soon,
I have yet to know you
Why, oh why?

Somewhere in time we may meet again
Until then I'll think of you.

As you go, take my love with you
May it see you through your journey
Goodbye my friend goodbye.

Somewhere in time we may meet again
Until then I'll think of you.

As you go, take my love with you
May it see you through your journey
Goodbye my friend goodbye.

copyright Sarah Packwood Christmas 1992

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Eternal Father, Strong to Save

Yesterday mum and I met with the minister who will lead the funeral service on Tuesday. It is very hard to try to sum up a life of 83 years and pick out the thoughts and words which would be most appropriate and worthy to celebrate my dad's life with thanksgiving.

We've picked 3 hymns, a couple of readings and a poem and the minister will say a tribute. One of the hymns is Eternal Father, Strong to Save which meant a lot to dad when he was in the Royal Navy during the World War II.

Here are the words:

Eternal Father, strong to save
Eternal Father, strong to save,
Whose arm doth bind the restless wave,
Who bidd’st the mighty ocean deep,
It’s own appointed limits keep:
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.

O Saviour, whose almighty word
The winds and waves submissive heard,
Who walkedst on the foaming deep
And calm amid its rage didst sleep:
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.

O sacred Spirit, who didst brood
Upon the waters dark and rude,
And bid their angry tumult cease,
And give, for wild confusion, peace:
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.

O Trinity of love and power,
Our brethren shield in danger’s hour.
From rock and tempest, fire and foe,
Protect them whereso’er they go,
And ever let there rise to thee
Glad hymns of praise from land and sea.

W. Whiting (1825-78)

Friday, February 24, 2006

Crocus

Crocus

When mum and I arrived home on Monday after saying goodbye to dad, we sat quietly at the dining room table and looked out over the garden – dad’s pride and joy. Mum noticed a yellow crocus tentatively emerging from the lawn and she exclaimed "oh the crocus has come out for your dad today", it was a moving moment. Dad’s passion for many years was his garden and he had a special knack for nurturing any type of plant from seed or cutting and he had a knack for nurturing me in our family. He especially loved spring flowers, signs of new life.
I found this quote from Patience Strong:
"The Yellow Crocus
The first to come: The yellow crocus thrusting boldly up – as if to catch and hold the sunlight in its painted cup. The first one out to shout a salutation of good cheer, making haste to show itself before the rest appear…For soon will come the other members of the family – robed in deepest purple, palest mauve and ivory – and dazzled by their beauty we’ll forget to say goodbye – to the first that took the risk and braved the wintry sky"

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Lord of my heart

Hold me in your sweet embrace,
And even though I can't see your face,
I feel you are near and I know you care.
You are the Lord and I love you.

Lord I am hurting deep inside.
I know you see these tears I cry.
You suffered more at the hands of man,
never ceased to love.
You're stronger than I am.

Lord of my heart let your love shine through me.
Open the door to a new life with you.
Make me strong so I do your will
And I will be ready to serve you.

Come holy spirit and fill my soul.
I'll be your cup, I will overflow.
With your love and your power to guide me
every day and each hour.

Lord of my heart let your love shine through me.
Open the door to a new life with you.
Make me strong so I do your will
And I will be ready to serve you.


copyright Sarah Packwood 1992

Wrestling


Yesterday at 5.30am I let go of my dad. He had suffered during his struggle with serious illness in the last 3 months, caused by severe stroke. I was not ready to let him go and I am left wrestling with a multitude of questions and feelings. Dare I say I am wrestling with God? Why did God let my dad suffer so much? Why did God not answer my prayers? Or I suppose, more accurately, why did God not answer my prayers in the way I wanted him to – that God would heal him at least enough so he could come home to mum and I? Where has dad gone? I so want to believe that the new creation, the new heaven and new earth is a truth we have to look forward to. But where does that leave us if it isn’t? I want to see my dad again and to enjoy being with him once more. I lost, not only my dad, a kind, caring and gentle man but also my best friend.
Yesterday I was overwhelmed with anger, which took me somewhat by surprise. I am like my dad in some ways and one of those is being slow to get angry, so this feeling was new and frightening. The last time I felt this full of rage was in 1996 in a refugee camp in Tanzania but I might write about that another day. I was angry with God for not healing my dad and allowing him to through this suffering. I was angry about some inconsistencies in his treatment which makes me wonder if they contributed to his suffering and affected his quality of life in the last few weeks. Could his life have been prolonged? Could he have had a better quality of life? Who knows.
Yesterday I let go and was angry. Today I am empty.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Splinters

Splinters

Called a Nazarene and many names besides,
He grew up in Palestine and walked the land of God.
With a craftsman's eye he worked the lathe
and splinters of a new creation pierced his hands.

From the shores of Galilee dusty feet went walking.
A rabbi with authority no-one else had known.
Healing on the streets, the sick, the blind, the lame.
And splinters of a revolution pierced their minds.

All hail the lamb
And the Lion of Judah
brings shalom into present tense
He is heaven-sent
Hallelujah

And on a mountainside the sun was beating down on all who gathered
to hear the teacher say,
"If you turn to them your left cheek you will be their equal"
and "Go the second mile with your oppressor",
"and if they sue you for your tunic, give them your cloak as well,
for the naked truth will stand acquitted
and the foolish shame the wise."

In temple courts he turned the tables on them all.
A brood of vipers stood, aghast, afraid, their backs against the wall.
Bought for silver pieces, the tree of life now hung in death
and splinters of a crucifixion pierced our hearts.

All hail the lamb
And the Lion of Judah
brings shalom into present tense
He is heaven-sent
Hallelujah

In a garden, the sun's rays shining through his wounds,
He stood talking with Mary, her eyes were opened and she understood.
There before her stood the new creation
and splinters of a resurrection pierced our lives.

All hail the lamb
And the Lion of Judah
brings shalom into present tense
He is heaven-sent
Hallelujah



copyright Sarah Packwood, July 2005